" English language "
The English Language:
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have
trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the
eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the
pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were
not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we
examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing
rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is
teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher
taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats
vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at
a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on
parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a
house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By
filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented
by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human
race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars
are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are
invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when
I wind up this observation,
It ends.